Living with Asperger's

1 in 5 people in Scotland identify as being disabled.  I suspect that since you’re reading this blog then you probably know that stat thanks to the campaign 1 in 5 founded by Jamie Szymkowiak.  I was & am quite proud that my branch, Leith Walk SNP, was the first branch to sign up to the cross party “campaign to encourage, empower and increase political participation amongst disabled people in Scotland.”  If by some chance you’ve not heard of it then please follow the link at the end of this piece.  Although the campaign is a cross party one, the very ethos of it is a tenet of our party… Inclusion.    The First Minister said it herself just a few weeks ago at National Conference "Inclusion is the guiding principle for everything we do". 

That was just one of a couple of things at Conference that got me thinking about writing this.  The other was a fringe meeting organised by The National Autistic Society Scotland.  I’ve been to a few fairly memorable fringe meetings over the years.  I’ve been lucky enough to hear Jimmy Reid speak at one.  I saw Wendy Alexander brave a packed room of SNP members in Inverness.  But the Autism one was without doubt the most profound I’ve been to.  The main bit of the meeting was for a service user of the Society, Michael, to have a chat with the government minister responsible for the Scottish Government’s Autism Strategy, Jamie Hepburn MSP.  During this chat Michael described his experiences as someone who was diagnosed as an adult and particularly the issues he has in employment.  He recalled an occasion a while after his diagnosis where he met another guy who had been diagnosed as Aspergers/Autistic as an adult.  Michael had asked him what the diagnosis meant & he’d replied he didn’t know, other than that he’s got it.  That might sound a wee bit odd.  Most people with a condition, disability or illness could tell you exactly what the symptoms are.  The symptoms are usually quite obvious.  But Aspergers & Autism are spectrum disorders.  That means they affect folk in different ways.  I often find it difficult to explain too.  I’ll try to give some examples of the issues I’ve faced.

Let’s start with the most obvious one.  Obsessive and repetitive interests.  There’s a common phrase that I’m tempted to use here referencing Sherlock.  Politics and particularly the SNP have been my longest standing obsession.  No bad thing, most of the time.  But it has caused problems.  In 1997 I should have been studying for my Highers.  I didn’t and my results are testament to that.   The reason I didn’t is because I was too busy campaigning in Stirling for the SNP.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have some fantastic memories from that campaign.  I learned a lot during that time from some great people in the party.  I got to see Michael Forsyth lose his seat at the Stirling Albert Hall and his losing speech was a spectacle of the like I have never seen in politics since.  I even got to meet a childhood footballing hero, albeit he was a Labour supporter, at the count.  The sensible thing at that time would have been for me to be studying for my exams.  But I couldn’t see past the campaign.  To this day politics is far more than just an interest for me.  Almost every conversation I have ends up being about it.    I do have other interests.  But none are really just passing interests.  To say I’m a Steve Mason fan is an understatement.  I own almost everything Steve and The Beta Band have released.  I am a Hearts fan.  There was lengthy period of time when I didn’t miss a single game.  If I missed a game or if we lost (which was fairly often to be fair) it would seriously affect my mood.  I’ve talked before about being a news addict.  I’ll quite happily sit in front of rolling telly news all day long and have been known to spend entire weekends gripped to the screen.  My book collection got so out of control that I have boxes of books sitting at my Gran’s in Stirling.  The very thought of scaling down the collection makes me nauseous.  Most of this seems harmless enough.  But these obsessive interests certainly played a part in my dropping out of university.  Yet again it was primarily party stuff that got in the way.  The other major problem at uni was the fairly severe depression I was suffering at the time.  I’m not going to delve any deeper into that particular subject here.  It should however be noted that depression & anxiety problems are more common amongst those with spectrum disorders.  That’s not to say that it is not common amongst those not on the spectrum.  That would be daft to suggest, especially when 1 in 4 will suffer from a mental health problem at some point in their life. 

There are other symptoms I want to cover here.  The one that got me to speak to my GP about things & that led to the diagnosis.  I often have trouble reading social situations.  I love branch meetings.   There is the fact that I’ll be sitting in a room of people who all just want to talk politics.  But it’s also that there’s a structure to the meeting.  It’s quite obvious when I can talk because there’s a convener controlling things.  In situations where there is no convener it’s often not so obvious to me & I will get it wrong from time to time.  When I do get it wrong I’ll have it running through my head for quite some time afterwards and often it will be over the most insignificant incident.  The sort of incident I’m thinking of can be a minor as trying to speak to someone when they are mid-conversation with someone else.  It just comes across as being a bit boorish or rude.  I really don’t mean to be.  But when to enter a conversation isn’t always as obvious to me as it should be. 

I think I’ve made clear that the problems I face on a day to day basis are life-long.  Yet I only got my diagnosis at the age of 32.  The diagnosis process consists of very in depth interviews with a psychiatrist.  It took place over several months as each interview was 2 to 3 hours long.  I cannot speak highly enough of the doctor who conducted mine.  Once the diagnosis is given I was directed to a charity, Autism Initiatives (AI).  Yet again, I can’t speak highly enough of them, which is lucky as 4 years later I work for them as a Support Worker.  However from an NHS point of view I was on my own.  To be blunt, that’s not good enough.  Especially in the immediate months following the diagnosis I felt I needed support from the state of some kind.  I was given very little information about what the diagnosis actually meant.  This comes back to the comment made by Michael at the fringe meeting.  It was a few months after diagnosis that I finally told my employer.  They asked me what support they could offer & what the diagnosis actually meant.  At that point I didn’t really know.  Aside from AI I didn’t even really know where to go for information.  The fact that I was unable to properly articulate the problems that I faced as a direct result of the Asperger’s played a large part in the relationship I had with my employer breaking down.  In hindsight I see that some of the problems I faced might have been averted if my employers had a better understanding of my disorder.  But I also feel it’s partly my fault that I couldn’t educate them sufficiently.  I’ve since found other charities and websites that have helped give me a better understanding of things.  It also helps working for a charity that helps folk like me & who suffer a lot more than me.  Only 16% of people with Autism are in employment.  As much as I don’t associate myself with the term Autism, I’m an Aspie, I do understand that that figure does include me.  So given I’ve at least managed to stay in full time employment for most of my adult life, I’m one of the lucky ones.  Despite all the problems I’ve had in employment.

In 2010 the Tories were elected in the Westminster election.   My employer at the time was a well known Market Research company.  It was a casual contract so the shifts weren’t guaranteed.  There would be periods of time when you wouldn’t get any shifts at all.  Again, I was quite lucky, my work grade meant that I was often more likely to get shifts than others.  But not long after the election the shifts really started to drop off to the stage that I was seriously concerned about my ability to pay the mortgage.  That’s putting it lightly.  I was terrified.  My usual routine had been totally destroyed and I just couldn’t see any way out.  This had an impact on how I engaged with managers & staff there.  This all highlights 3 pretty major symptoms of the Asperger’s.  Firstly, a need for structure & routine.  The fact that had been destroyed caused me significant problems dealing with everything else.  Secondly, an ability to deal with change, which I know is a bit at odds with my lifelong fight for a socially just independent Scotland.  The ability to deal with change is one that causes me distress & upset.   However I’ve seen through my work just how much more intense that can be for those on the more extreme end of the spectrum.  It can be felt for many as acutely as a blow to the face or a cut finger.  Thirdly, we have, I have a tendency to over-react to things.  When bad things happen I really struggle to see the light & it can be quite a struggle to get through that.  For example, the Tories winning in 2010, the Brexit result or Donald Trump winning the Presidential election.  All those things terrified me.  The levels of nausea that I feel are quite overwhelming at times.  One of the senior managers at that company told me that he wouldn’t promote me exactly because of the symptoms I’ve just described.  The diagnosis didn’t come till after I’d moved on.  But I don’t believe for a second that he’d have treated me any differently if he had known.  He made quite clear that I didn’t have the qualities required to be a supervisor in his office.  A similar thing happened at the next employer where I was told that I “didn’t think like a manager.”  And that employer knew about the diagnosis. 

But it’s not that I don’t think like a manager.  I don’t think like the majority of the population.  A term I’ve learnt from my work as a Support Worker is “neurotypical” and “non-neurotypical”.   If you are on the Asperger’s/Autism Spectrum then you are non-neurotypical.  In layman’s terms it means my brain is wired a bit differently from the majority of the population.  This brings me onto the final points I want to make.  It is one thing to know that you are a bit different from other folk.  It’s another thing quite entirely to take in that one has a disorder or disability.  It’s taken me the best part of 4 years to really start accepting it.  I’ve supported the 1 in 5 campaign since the start and followed it fairly closely.  But, although I accepted the Aspie tag, I never really accepted that I was disabled.  I work with people who suffer from the symptoms much more severely than I do.  I’m not physically disabled in the sense that I need a wheelchair or crutches.  Someone may meet me & not realise that there’s anything wrong with me at all.  But get to know me  & I think it’s fairly obvious.  Those that really know me are never surprised when I tell them about the diagnosis.  They all say pretty much the same thing  “That explains a lot eh.”  It does.  It really does.  Learning and understanding this disorder is key to dealing with the problems I face.  But employers need to be a bit more proactive too.  The Scottish Government is doing some great work and I’m greatly impressed by the Autism Strategy.  But given my experiences I’m not entirely convinced that employers will just cease to discriminate against those of us with spectrum disorders.  After all, remember I apparently don’t think like a manager.  So am I ever going to feel a sense of career progression?  I’m not convinced greater awareness or understanding would have made the slightest difference to those previous managers.  Clear and enforceable legislation is probably the only thing that would.  Employers need to understand that there are some real positives to the condition that would actually be of benefit to their organisations.  For example Aspies often have a good attention to detail.  We work in a very structured way.  When I can see a pattern to the work I can latch onto that and often excel in the task.  It is also recognised that those on the spectrum are generally pretty loyal.  So if an employer or anyone else treats me with decency then I don’t forget it. 

I don’t want to finish this piece on a pessimistic note.  I now accept that I’m an Aspie.  I accept that I’m disabled, albeit a wee bit.  I don’t want folk to treat me any differently after reading this.  Well, I mean I don’t want my friends to.  I love the community of which I am part.  I’m very proud of what we’ve achieved together as a party in this constituency and the part I’ve played in it.  Some aspects of the disorder have led me to experiences that might not have happened otherwise.  Let’s face it there are far worse obsessions to have than that of wanting to reduce inequalities and the achievement of Scotland becoming an independent sovereign state.  

 http://www.oneinfive.scot/ 

http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/tmi.aspx 

 http://www.autisminitiatives.org/

Kenny MacAskill & the release of Al-Megrahi

 The bombing of Pan-Am Flight 103 has been an issue in Scotland for most of my life.   I remember, vaguely, the night it happened albeit that I was too young to really comprehend what had happened.  That barbarous act has left an indelible mark upon Scotland and of course countless people on both sides of the Atlantic.  I fully appreciate the pain that Kenny MacAskill's decision to release Al-Megrahi must have had on the familes of the victims.  However, from the moment the Justice Secretary made his statement to the world's media I felt that he was not only brave to do so, but morally just.  I was (and am) very proud to be part of a movement that puts compassion and morality above that of self interest.  Below is a letter I have just sent to The National & below that you will find a link to the Scottish Government's information on the case.

Dear Sirs,

the former Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill stated in regards to the release of Lockerbie bomber al-Megrahi that the Scottish Government "got nothing out of it....There was no deal done by us...".   I fully accept that at face value.  However, I do believe that Scotland as a nation, the SNP and the whole Independence movement did benefit greatly from Kenny's decision in a number of important ways.  I do not intend to get into the alleged rights and wrongs of al-Megraghi's conviction, that is clearly a matter for the courts.  But the Justice Secretary certainly put Scotland's and our movement's core values on the world stage.  Mr MacAskill's statement at the time of release showed the world the devolved Scottish Government had (and has) not just politicians leading us but Statesmen (or Statespeople) that can operate comfortable on the world stage.  It showed that we have people within our movement who are ready to step up and play an important role within the international community as a fully independent sovereign state.  I referred to our movement's core values and by that I mean the value of compassion.  Kenny showed the world that Scotland is confident enough to make decisions on the basis of morality before that of financial self interest.  He made clear that al-Megrahi, despite being a convicted mass murderer, was being shown a level of compassion that he arguably denied his alleged victims.  He showed the world that the Scottish Government was conducting it's business on a higher moral level than that of a mass murderer.

We as a movement want independence because we want to treat all our citizens in a more compassionate way than successive Westminster Governments have done.  The vision of a caring, moral Government is exactly what has kept me campaigning for Scottish Independence over 20 years.  Kenny, if you're reading this, I have no doubt at all you did our movement a great service by your decision and by your conduct.  We as a nation have and will benefit from your actions for many years to come.

Yours Sincerely

Andrew I. Harlick

Leith

  http://www.gov.scot/Topics/Justice/law/lockerbie

I'm SNP because

I’m SNP because….  is basically my life story.  It won’t surprise any of you to hear me say that it pretty much defines who I am as a person.  I have had a political awareness from a very young age.  One of my earliest memories is that of my Dad being part of the teachers strike in 1985 & him telling me he was taking the day off work because of Thatcher.  Even earlier than that I remember being scared of Thatcher because I genuinely thought she was a witch.  Whether this was just down to how she appeared on the TV & my pre-school imagination or whether I was picking up on things I’d heard the adults around me say I’ll never know.  I don’t want to create the impression that my family were hardcore political activists.  They weren’t & to this day aren’t.   But they do have a belief that what is right is to be fundamentally kind to others.  That in itself is clearly, to me anyway, the very basis of Left Wing politics.   It’s an understanding  that the greater good is served by looking after folk.  The teacher’s strike was a good 10 years before I joined the SNP.  Maw & Dad were never members of a political party.  My grandparents on the other hand were, maybe not to the extent that I have become.  Understanding the influence of my both sets of grandparents is probably the key here.  I’ve mentioned in my last piece that my Granddad was the son of a man who fled the Pogroms in Ukraine.  Granddad was a lifelong Socialist, indeed he boasted to me that at one point in his life he had even been a member of the Communist Party.  However he spent most of his life a member of the Labour Party, only leaving when Tony Blair became leader.  It’s worth noting that he did this before Blair became Prime Minister because he saw what Blair would do to his party.  The important thing in this essay is that he instilled in me many of my core beliefs in regards to politics being a tool to reduce inequalities, of a progressive taxation system, of worker’s rights and the evils of Right Wing politics. 

If it had been solely down to Granddad I probably would have joined the Labour Party & fought vainly to change it from within.  However, on my Maw’s side the family are SNP way back.  My Gran was a member of the Young Scots, an early incarnation of what is now the Young Scots for Independence.  I was told regularly that her mother, my Great Gran was a long time SNP member who had been friends with Dr Robert McIntyre.  I still feel very lucky that I was able to call Doc Mac a friend in my first couple of years in the party.  This family connection to the SNP, as proud as I am of it, is secondary in importance to what I actually learned from Gran.  It was from her that I first gained an understanding of Scotland as a separate nation.  A nation with our own distinctive history & culture.   The influence of both sets of grandparents gives my political being a balance for which I am eternally grateful.  The socialist firebrand on one side & the calmer, more subtle self-aware patriotism on the other both make the SNP my natural home. 

Before I talk a little about this election specifically I feel, if I am to be completely honest, I need to mention one other aspect of my pre-adult years.  I was bullied at school. Sometimes it was physical, but mostly verbal & intimidation.  So to this day I have an inherent hatred of bullies & bullying.  When I talk about wanting reduce inequalities I see whole communities that have been bullied for years by people who should have been helping them, ie the State.  I also see other parties running campaigns purely based upon attacking my friends & my party.  These attacks come from parties that are offering nothing positive, indeed one who comes to mind seems to feel that their biggest asset is to have a loud voice.  It is the SNP’s contrast to that which makes me SNP. 

So now let me talk a little more specifically about why I am voting SNP on May the 5^th.  In Edinburgh North & Leith we are lucky to have the candidate that we do.  So firstly & foremostly I am voting for Ben Macpherson because I believe he will make an excellent constituency parliamentarian.  This is a constituency that desperately needs someone who will represent everyone in the area no matter who they voted for, no matter their background.  I believe his politics are a good balance of a desire to do good for all in our society & an understanding of the distinctness of our constituency and indeed our country.  You only have to look on social media to see the strength of the team that has come together to fight to get him elected.

But you don’t vote purely on the basis that you like one man.  I proudly vote SNP because we have policies that look after folk, that make a day to day difference to people’s lives.  Free prescriptions, free tuition, free bus passes for OAPs.  We will increase the Carer’s Allowance, we will build more affordable homes, we will abolish the bedroom tax, we will establish a Social Security Agency with fairness and dignity at its heart.  Yes I did rip some of that directly from the SNP manifesto & I make no apologies for doing so.  I’m SNP because I want a stronger & a fairer Leith.  I’m SNP because I want a stronger & fairer society.  I’m SNP because it’s just who I am.

#SNPBecause

Election Diary Post 7 - The Banana Flats

As you know I initially re-started this blog as sort of campaign diary.  Quite simply I wanted to encourage others to do a leaflet run or knock a door or two.  I hope I’ve managed to do that a little at least either through this blog or my social media posts.  This campaign has been one that I will remember with a great deal of affection for a long time to come.  There have been many experiences & sights that have really driven home just why we do what we do.   There have been things that have made me angry and sick to the stomach.  But there have also been a great many more things that have me happy, very happy indeed.  Most who know me…. Scrap that…. All who know me know me as a being a bit obsessed with politics.  But I have had my peaks & troughs of political activism over the years.  This year does feel different though, maybe it’s age, maybe it’s experience, maybe it’s the cohesiveness of the team that we have working for this constituency.  One thing I am certain of is the importance of this election to Edinburgh North & Leith. 

 Across the constituency you will see clear examples of the failures of the Labour Party to effectively represent the people.  I’ll leave that statement there.   As a party the SNP has achieved it’s greatest successes when we have run positive campaigns.  This is not a Machievellian technique done only with the desire to win votes.  The SNP is a party with a vision of a progressive future for Scotland.  As I say on the doorsteps, by all means judge us on our record and judge the other parties on theirs.  Easy to say when armed with a list of 131 achievements of the SNP Government.  I’ll not run through them all.  I don’t need to.  People know.  People can see that on a day to day basis life is better than it was pre 2007.  Recorded crime is down 40% since we took the reins.  “Politicians just throw statistics about, politicians lie” I hear the more cynical of you cry.  I’ll give you an example though.  There is a tower block in Leith that is famous, not always for the right reasons.  Cables Wynd House, known to many as The Banana Flats due to the shape of the building, has quickly become one of my favourite places to campaign.  This was a block that many, many years ago was notorious for drugs & crime, a perceived no go area for many.  Take a moment to digest that.  We’re talking about a building that contains over 2 to 3 hundred individual properties.  It’s beyond disgusting that anywhere that families live, that people live could be perceived as a no go area.  I could not feel safer there.  Looking at the names on the canvas sheets tells a story in itself.  We know that Edinburgh North & Leith is one of the most ethnically diverse constituencies in the country.  To see the mix of names on sheets of A4 paper is quite something.  Eastern European names, Western European, Asian, Middle Eastern, Scottish, African, the lot.  I find this reassuring and heart warming.   Just a few days ago there I had a great chat with a gent originally from Poland.  You may say he was Polish.  I say he was a Scotsman who was born in Poland.  This is absolutely fundamental to my politics.  It may be influenced by my own family ancestry.  He is an SNP & independence supporter.  He’s lived in Scotland for over ten years & loves it.  He loves Peterhead & wants to retire to the highlands.  “I love the character in the highlands” he said.  “I come to Edinburgh to work.  It’s good.  My kids are Scottish…”  I replied that’s exactly it.  I told him that as far as I’m concerned, as far as our party is concerned “If you live here, work here, study here, make your life here then you are Scottish.  A nation is a coming together of people.  You are as Scottish as I am.”  He beamed at me & warmly shook my hand.  The thing is, I really do mean every word of that from the bottom of my heart.  My own Great Grandfather fled pogroms in Eastern Europe to build a life for himself in Edinburgh.  You would only know that if I or another family member told you so well has our family integrated into the community, an integration that happened very quickly.  This history helps to form a level of empathy & understanding towards those that come to Scotland for a better life.  It may be those fleeing war & persecution or they could be seeking better living conditions in which to raise a family.  All are equally important and equally valid.  We should be welcoming them all.  I’d like to think that man’s kids, grandkids & great grandkids might work within our community to make things better for others in the same way that my family has over the years.  The Proclaimer’s tune Scotland’s Story is a cliché, but it’s true. 

It is partly due to the diversity across the constituency that makes the choice of parliamentary representation so important.  An elected representative of any level, be it Holyrood, Westminster or the City Chambers is elected to represent ALL of their constituents.  Not just those that voted for them or are members of their own party.  I say again, judge the SNP & our candidates on our record and judge the others on theirs.  Much of the material disseminated by other parties does not suggest that they seek to represent the whole of the community.  It is no surprise that many are disengaged with politics & feel that all politicians are the same.  The problems in communities like Leith have often been exacerbated by a sense of entitlement felt by those elected to represent them.  Working Class communities across the country have been failed by representatives that took their votes for granted.  The fact that we have not is why the electorate have placed their trust in us. 

As I entered Cables Wynd House a man in his mid-fifties brought up the issue of politician’s tax returns.  I explained the First Minister’s position as best I could.  Still not convinced that all politicians weren’t in it for themselves we entered the lift.  This is a charge that I will always refute.  It simply is not true of most in the SNP.   Let’s face it, a politician of ambition for either position or wealth did not join the SNP any time before 2007.  I’m not suggesting that those that join now are any different.  Only that those that have joined in recent years have done so because the core of the party is still true.   I know so many who have sacrificed so much to represent the communities in which they live over the years.  I do get annoyed when I hear my friends being doubted simply because they now win elections.  We work hard to do so.  In the lift, I told the man about free prescriptions, free tuition & free bus travel for OAPs.  Leith is a great constituency but a lot of work does need done.  That’s why we need SNP representation so we can work with the community to build on our record.  “ I’m giving up my free time to do this because I really think we can make a difference in Leith”.  I said as he left the shiny metal box. He turned to me and said “I’d vote for you, if you were the candidate.”  To which I responded pointing at a picture of the candidate “Aye, well that’s why I’m campaigning for this man.  He’s my mate & he’s just like me.  He’s doing it for the same reasons. ”  

I’ll not lie it was the nicest compliment I’ve had for some time.  But ego is not important here.  What is important is the awareness that every single vote counts.  We as a party have to work to gain the trust of many who have been let down by other parties.  This is not an easy job & we fail the very second we forget to engage with the entire community.  Remember that.  Remember that next time someone tells you they are voting for someone else.  Talk to them.  Listen to them.  But especially listen to those that don’t feel engaged.  Engage with them.  Smile at them.  Tell them you understand.  Not because you want their vote, although of course that is true.  But because you do understand because you have eyes & can see the massive inequalities all around you.

I do feel very lucky at this time.  It is an exciting time in Scottish politics.  We have a team nationally & locally that has a progressive, socially just vision for the country, the constituency & the city.  I am lucky to be campaigning alongside local councillors who have visions for the city that will have an impact 15, 20 & more years into the future.  We have a candidate that is honest & fundamentally decent.  Exactly as our party is.  I’m looking forward to playing my wee part in the future of our community.  

 Scotland's Story - The Proclaimers